Okay so I was on the “Why me, God?” merry go round for a while.  “How much more, God?”  Nope I don’t have cancer and neither do my children. My house is not in foreclosure. I was however suffering from woe-is-me-itis and after the very long text thread from my soul-sister-very-dear-friend…it was contagious.

“I hate the Easter Bunny.”  And the texts went downhill from there.  She works full time and runs three kids around to their extracurriculars in her leisure time.  And sometimes in her work time.  And with two and a half weeks until that holiday, she was stressed with getting their baskets filled and the errands and ideas that come along with it.  And my response after she finished her lament?

“Oh but no. This is my week to fall apart. You can have next week.  Are you serious?  It is Easter, not Christmas.  You need to MOM up and handle your business.  Are you seriously going to let the Easter Bunny get your goat?”

Okay, I’m paraphrasing because there were a whole lot of other words in there not fit for print.  But seriously?  The Easter Bunny?  Please.

Meanwhile in Queenieland, our journey to Looneyville started about three or so weeks ago with relentless eczema.  (Truth be told, the journey really began 15+ years ago when child #1 was born, but I digress).  Molly, 3, suffers from food and environmental allergies which manifests its ugly head on her skin in the form of “itchies.”  We switched doctors and changed her meds and cream regimen.  Two weeks later she was worse.  At a follow up visit the doctor tells us that yes she has severe eczema but mixed up with it….scabies.  As in the little bugs that burrow themselves under the skin and eat and poop there.  And to make matters worse, I had it too.  So I stared the doctor down, took a deep breath and did what any grown, strong woman would do in my shoes. I burst into tears.  I rocked back and forth in my chair covering my face saying “NO, NO, NOOOOOO.”  And then the doctor went through the speech of how it has nothing to do with cleanliness or hygiene, it is common in eczema kids, they see it 2-3 times a week and it is easy to cure.  Blah blah blah.  I might have rolled my eyes 13 times at her.

Then we leave and everyone gets buckled up and I take a step out of the car to regain my composure.  And as I’m pacing through the parking lot with my hands flying around, the conversation between God and me went about like this:

“Nope.  Nope nope nope nope.  Not gonna happen.  We had a deal.  I don’t do anything with the word “nit”, “mite” or “infestation” in it.  You know this.  Strep?  Bring it.  Flu?  I got that.  Stomach bug?  In my sleep.  Three year old who breaks her foot weeks before she serves as flower girl in a wedding and is stuck in an ugly black boot? Easy peasy lemon squeezie.  Scabies??? Not taking that one. You broke our deal.”

So we head home and face the music.  We treat, we wash, we dry, we bag up and then we wash some more.  18 loads over 3 days to be exact.  And we got rid of those little buggers.  And Molly’s skin started to clear.  Until it didn’t.  And then we said hello to a secondary bacterial infection of impetigo.

In addition to our week of the Battle of the Cooties…our living room TV broke, dishwasher broke, iron broke (as a drapery seamstress, an iron is pretty necessary), daughter #2 starts with fever which turns out to be Flu B (does the B stand for Bahahahaha?) coupled with a flaming ear infection, husband unexpectedly has to go out of town 11 hours away five minutes after the flu swab turned up positive along with our usual week of extracurricular madness.  So that is what brought us to the point where I stood contagious of woe-is-me-itis.

So what do we do when we become infected?  We pay a repair man $238 to fix the dishwasher because in a house of five people who insist on eating every day but yet who also own ipads and iphones, momma gets her dishwasher fixed and the TV waits.  We get more medicine for sick children but we also beef up our supplement stash to help kick this latest bug to the curb.  We text like a mad woman lining up rides for daughter #1 and we cancel drapery installation appointments until further notice.  Because by this point, what is the point of anything else?  What is the point of shaking our fist and saying ok that’s enough.  Because we don’t get to decide that.  He decides when enough is enough for this round.  I personally thought we had hit enough when the darn eczema wouldn’t clear.   But then when we hit the part where we are laughing uncontrollably when the husband tells us he’s leaving town for a few days we realize that we can take way more than we thought we could.

Way.  More.  Because after writing that last paragraph daughter #2 (flu girl) started with the vomiting.  Juice and all of her meds laying right there on Momma’s sheets.  After spiking a fever of 103.7 in combination with not being able to keep anything down sent me on a wild goose chase in search of a pharmacy that could compound ibuprofen into a topical gel.  Of which I found none.  So after an epsom salt soak, essential oils on her feet and a whole lot of prayers, we were fever free by morning.  The rise of the sun also brought more vomiting, more washing, a puddle of water under the washing machine and then came the slow and steady achy, nauseating wave throughout my body that throbbed flu.  Aaaaaaaaand that’s when I broke.  So I just stood there with finger pointed to the sky like any rational Christian mother and said….

 “NO! You and me have GOT to get on the same page here! And I think it would just be best if You got on my page.”

That’s when this Catholic momma got out the holy water and blessed every inch of concrete, wood, sheetrock, and stainless steel along with every finger, toe, strand of hair and eyelash.  (To my non Catholic friends, the power is not in the water but in the prayers accompanying it and the faith to say them.)  And just as precaution I took Advil and vitamin C and went to bed shortly thereafter.   Then the sun came up and with it a new day and a refreshed momma.  Along with a broken garbage disposal.

So what is the cure for woe-is-me-itis?  Is it gratitude for the hand we are dealt and not the hand we could have been dealt?  Is it perspective to know that this too shall pass?  I think that it is both and along with it hindsight that forces us to look at what we have already muddled through to KNOW that we will muddle through this too.  As a mother who has already faced and survived life’s worst hand, I know that the experiences that came before helped to prepare me for that battle.  And today’s experiences only help to prepare me for tomorrow’s battle.  I am 40 years young with three daughters…the battles are far from over.  But the Easter Bunny?  I ain’t scared of him!

Please Note:  My soul-sister-very-dear-friend does not ACTUALLY hate the Easter Bunny.  At the time of her aforementioned discord with him she was in the midst of a much bigger battle.  One that is ongoing.  And he became her easy scapegoat.  Now that her battle which was originally seen as a large burden is turning into its own blessing filled with opportunity, she has since apologized to the Easter Bunny.  She has also apologized to the Tooth Fairy for similar ill feelings towards her and apologizes in advance to Santa Clause and the Elf on the Shelf for future rants she may inadvertently express.  It must also be noted that in the event that I may have also shared any negativity towards the Easter Bunny in recent days…I have apologized to him as well. ***no rabbits, fairies, jolly old men or even leprechauns were harmed as a result of this post***